Funny Random Things to Say in a Conversation
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- I tried to be normal once… worst two minutes of my entire life
- Pobody’s nerfect!
- If you were a booger, I’d pick you first
- Just text someone a random word and see what happens
- Whatever is eating you must be really hungry
- The problem was he/she wanted a serious relationship, and I’m a funny girl/guy
- Do you eat other peoples finger nails?
- The next time someone thanks you for something, say, I’m going to hell so you don’t have to
- Try this: When you shake someone’s hand, jokingly say, I’m so glad you had the privilege of meeting me”
- Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- My parents moved around a lot when I was growing up, but I always found them
- In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now let’s talk about why I’m bitter
- I’m out of my mind… be back in five minutes!
- We place too much emphasis on the early bird's good luck and not enough on the early worm's bad luck
- People are like refrigerators: it’s what’s inside that matters
- Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers?
- Hi, I am (your name), but you can call me tomorrow!
- Every woman should marry an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll love her
- Yours is a face that only a mother and a friend like me could love
- When everything in life is coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane
- If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny
- If you suddenly die, I’d immediately travel around the world to search for the seven dragon balls
- A balanced diet simply means having cupcakes in each hand
- Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000
- Love must truly be blind because it can’t see me at all
- Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale
- A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back
- Why aren’t shorts half the price of pants?
- I don't really need a hairstylist since my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning
- Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things
- If you can’t laugh at yourself, I can help you out
- I love that our easygoing friendship fits perfectly with my laziness
- Refusing to go to the gym is one of the best forms of resistance training
- It’s not that I totally trust you, I’m just feeling lazy today
- Whoever said you can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!
- Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away… if you throw it hard enough!
- Try this: Before you leave a room, say, I bid you farewell!
- Try this: Walk to the line for the nearest public bathroom and ask, So, they fixed this one? Thank God! I just changed into some dry clothes
- I am going to get my toe nail-pierced this Friday
- Whiteboards really are remarkable
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down
- Barbie is so popular and yet, kids still buy friends for her
- If a market is well stocked, is it called the stock market?
- Of all the goofballs in the world, you are my favorite
- When you go to a public bathroom, put chocolate on your hands, reach under the stall and ask for toilet paper
- I’m not always hungry; sometimes I’m sleepy, too
- A bag of money can represent not only wealth, but also massive inflation
- I promise to step on your feet if you dance with me
- Try this: Call your friend and let them know you can’t talk right now
- As much as I would love to spend time with you every day, some days, I actually have stuff to do
- You should always knock before opening a fridge, just in case there's a salad dressing inside
- I had used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead
- Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them
- Funny Things to Say to Your Friends
- My eye socket is warm
- If you think no one cares whether you're alive or dead, just skip a handful of credit card payments
- When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Don’t you know there’s a war on?”
- Is cardboard more board than card or more card than board?
- Everyone talks about the early bird’s good luck, but what about the early worm’s bad luck?
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not really sure
- A pessimist is someone who has spent too much time listening to optimists
- Try calling someone just to tell them you can’t talk right now
- When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats don’t roller skate
- I’d like to help you out today, which way did you come in?
- A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die
- I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn’t be any chocolate milk
- The next time you buy a donut, complain that there’s a hole in it
- Try ordering a pizza 15 minutes before New Year, and when it arrives, yell, You’re late! I ordered this a year ago!”
- You call me your best friend, but where the heck were you when my selfie only got 4 likes?
- Earth is like the insane asylum for the universe
- Except for a parking meter, change is inevitable
- Is there a connection between candy corn and corn nuts?
- Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart?
- If plan A fails, at least there are 25 more letters in the alphabet
- Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend
- I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye
- Have you ever tried sleeping in water?
- I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it
- Running in place will get you nowhere fast
- When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say Does the Pope wear a tall hat?”
- If hamburger meat makes a meatloaf, then laziness will make me-a-loaf
- If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning
- I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, the letters U and I would never separate
- My nipple is broken
- You are not someone I pretend not to see in public
- Answers are what we have to solve other people's problems
- Excuse my naivety… I was born at a very early age
- Common sense is like deodorant—the people who need it most never seem to use it
- I try to have an open mind, but my brain keeps falling out
- At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only
- While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different
- There’re many pessimists who got that way by investing in an optimist
- My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations
- The rotation of Earth really makes my day
- Patience is a virtue, but I don’t want to wait
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have
- When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, He’s at it again!”
- If you want to look thin and young, hang out with some fat old people
- If you really want to look young and thin then you should hang out around fat old people
- I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them
- It’s funny how the cost of living is going up but the chance of living is going down
- I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me
- While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak
- Can cars stop at a bus stop?
- Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks
- LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say
- After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
- A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for answers that you can get for free from your wife or friends
- I sold my vacuum cleaner because all it was doing was gathering dust
- Take my advice—I’m not using it
- If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell Hey”
- Why isn't coffee served on a coffee table?