Friends

[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away
from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind
it.]

Joey: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a
screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small
short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!

(Rachel enters from her new room.)

Rachel: Hi Joey, how ya doin�?

Joey: Great! Roomie!

Rachel: Huh, yeah I guess we are roommates now.

Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have
to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks
a lot.

Rachel: I�m not paying for half of that! I�m only staying here until my
apartment gets fixed.

Joey: Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay?
Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it
breaks! What does that tell ya�?

Rachel: That refrigerators don�t live as long as people.

Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300
at a time, I�ll take a check for the other hundred.

Rachel: You�re jokin� right?

Joey: Of course I�m jokin�! I don�t take checks.

Rachel: Thank God you�re pretty. (Exits.)


Opening Credits


[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel
enters.]

Rachel: Hey!

All: Hi! Hey!

Rachel: Do you guys know any cute guys?

Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joey�s
arm, Joey pats Chandler�s shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey
to say the same about him.)

Joey: Oh, I�m sorry. Thank you Chandler.

Rachel: Anyway, there�s this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren
bought a table, so I kinda have to go...

Monica: What�s the charity?

Rachel: I don�t know, something either trees or disease... Ralph mumbles a lot.

Monica: Does Ralph mumble when you�re not paying attention?

Rachel: Yeah! It�s weird. But the thing is need to find a date.

Phoebe: Well, what kind of guy are you looking for?

Rachel: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.

Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.

Joey: Ooh! So close.

(Ross and Elizabeth enter.)

Ross: Hey everybody!

All: Hi!

Ross: Hey uh, this is Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: Oh hi!

All: Hi!

Elizabeth: I�m the student.

Chandler: (laughs) Isn�t she cute? (On Monica�s death stare) No!

Phoebe: Y�know, this is probably none of my business, but weren�t you guys
supposed to not be seen in public together?

Elizabeth: Oh, we�re not together.

Ross: Oh no-no-no, we�re just two people who happen to run into each other
here at the coffee house. (He winks at her.)

Phoebe: Oh, sly.

Elizabeth: Well, I really wanted to meet you guys, but I have to run. I�ll
see you later?

All: Okay!

Elizabeth: Bye Ross.

Ross: Bye.

(They kiss.)

Elizabeth: Oops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir.

Ross: Oh that is quite all right ma�am. (Elizabeth exits.)

Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of
homework to do?

Ross: Yes, her molecular epidemiology paper is due tomorrow.

Chandler: Oh, tell her good luck with that.

Ross: Anyone else? Huh? Bring �em on!

Rachel: Oo! When�s her birthday?!

Ross: I don�t know Rachel, why?

Rachel: Well, y�know it�s just been so long since I�ve been to Chuckie Cheese.

Monica: Oh, I like Elizabeth.

Ross: Well thanks!

Monica: Yeah. In fact, I like her so much you tell her I want my cookies
early this year! Y�know, a box of Thin Mints and some Tag-a-Longs.

Joey: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, how�s it
going with her?

Ross: Well, actually it�s been great. She�s 20 so she�s not looking for
anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now.

Monica: Well that is great. And seriously, she seems very nice.

Ross: Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it
really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys
are...

Phoebe: (interrupting) Okay, I got a good one. Okay, umm, what is she? Like 12?

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and
Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]

Monica: Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?

Chandler: Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups?

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Hey!

Phoebe: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her
thing.

Chandler: Oh that�s so funny because we found someone too.

Phoebe: Oh that�s good, I guess she�ll have a choice between my guy and your
weirdo.

Chandler: Why would our guy be a weirdo?

Phoebe: �Cause that�s just your taste.

Monica: (laughs sarcastically) Rachel is not going to pick your stupid guy.

Phoebe: Oh yeah?

Monica: Yeah!

Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these
(She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form...)

Chandler: A face ass?

Phoebe: A chin dimple!

Monica: Well, uh y�know, our guy works with Chandler and he�s really nice
and smart and he�s a great dresser!

Phoebe: Have you seen your guy�s body?

Chandler: No, our guy is just a floating head.

Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? He�s a massage client and one time
umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.

Monica: You�re not supposed to look!

Phoebe: Oh yeah, like there are police for that!

Chandler: (horrified) Wait! You look? You-you massaged me.

Phoebe: I know. (Laughs.)

Monica: All right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really
funny.

Phoebe: Oh, Chandler funny?

Monica: Our guy�s a great dancer!

Phoebe: My guy is well read.

Chandler: Our guy has great hair.

Phoebe: My guy has great teeth!

Chandler: Our guy smells incredible.

Monica: (To Chandler) Do you want our guy to be your guy?

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey
bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isn�t doing all that well.]

Chandler: Hey.

Joey: Huh.

Chandler: Well, you... don�t look good Joe.

Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream,
limes.... Hey, what was in that brown jar?

Chandler: That�s still in there?!

Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?

Chandler: Is this a service you�re providing me?

Joey: No! No! No! For my new fridge...our new fridge!

Chandler: Our new fridge? I don�t live here anymore.

Joey: So what? Look, suppose we were a divorced couple.

Chandler: Uh-huh.

Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and
I gotta buy a new kid.

Chandler: (not quite sure where Joey�s going and is a little worried) Okay...

Joey: (pause) Give me $400!

[Scene: Ross�s office, he�s unlocking his office door as Elizabeth walks up.]

Elizabeth: Professor Geller?

Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I don�t
know.

Elizabeth: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?

Ross: Yes, yes of course, what-what would this be regarding?

Elizabeth: Making out in your office.

Ross: Shh! (Laughs then composes himself) Of course, why don�t we go inside?

(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth
walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)

Ross: Oh-ooh!

Elizabeth: What?

Ross: Doorknob! Doorknob!

Elizabeth: Oh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you.

Ross: Oh, okay. What-what about?

Elizabeth: Spring vacation.

Ross: Spring vacation.

Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips...

(Another professor barges in.)

Professor Feesen: Professor Geller!

Ross: (quickly jumping away from Elizabeth) Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger
I�ll be with you in one moment. (To Elizabeth) So, I will take one box
of the Thin Mints. (And he ushers Elizabeth out of the office.)

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Ross, Chandler, and Joey are entering.]

Ross: You don�t understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip
with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, I�m not ready for this! Okay?
What-what do I tell her?

Chandler: Just tell her the truth! Tell her you�re not ready.

Ross: I can do that. Oh-oh, what if she gets upset?

Chandler: Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.

Joey: Or! You can just, y�know... (He walks up close to whisper in Ross�s ear
and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)

Ross: What the hell are you doing?

Joey: What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!

Ross: What?! What? How do you, how do you even know its broken?!

Joey: Oh-ho-ho, you think I don�t know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! (He
opens the door and feels inside.) Well what do you know! Broken!
That�ll be $400!

Chandler: Joey, I saw you push him!

Joey: (pause) You pushed him!

Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells
inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.

Joey: All right. Chandler, do you remember how I told you about our fridge?

Chandler: Uh-huh.

Joey: I still haven�t gotten a check for your half yet.

Ross: Do not give him any money!

Joey: I�m not talking to you! You broke my fridge!

[Scene: Ross�s office, he�s opening the door to Elizabeth.]

Elizabeth: You wanted to see me Professor Geller?

Ross: Yes. Yes! Please, come in.

(She does so, he closes the door, and she pushes him against the doorknob
again.)

Ross: Oo-oo!

Elizabeth: Doorknob?

Ross: Yeah, it kinda grows on you. (They both laugh.) Actually, I wanted to
finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.

Elizabeth: Oh good.

Ross: Look, I... (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, I�m having a
great time with you and I just don�t want us to move to fast or put to
much pressure on us. So, I�m sorry I just don�t think we should go
away together yet. It�s-it�s too soon.

Elizabeth: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted
to tell you that I�m going to Florida for a couple weeks.

Ross: No. I think you misunderstood what I was saying. What I meant was....

Elizabeth: You are so adorable.

Ross: That! Let�s talk about that.

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]

Ross: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey!

Monica: Hey! How did it go with Elizabeth?

Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didn�t
want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that she�s
going to Florida for spring vacation.

Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going
for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)

Ross: What�s-what�s the difference?

Monica: Well, spring vacation is doing nice things with your grandparents.
Spring break you�re doing frat guys.

Ross: Hey, y�know what? Not all spring breaks are like that.

Phoebe: What did you do on yours?

Ross: I went to Egypt with my dad.

Chandler: I can see it now, "Look dad, it�s the Sphinx!" (Does that party
noise again.)

Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!"
(Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean she�s taken my class!

Monica: And slept with the professor.

Ross: I�m gonna call her.

Chandler: Yeah.

(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)

Rachel: Hey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian.

Sebastian: Hi.

Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the
last Field & Stream. (Chandler�s shocked.) What? I read that.

Sebastian: Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you! (He does so and Rachel sits down on the couch.)

Phoebe: Rachel, what the hell is this?!

Rachel: (shocked) What?

Phoebe: You ask us to find you a guy and you come traipsing in here with your
own!

Rachel: You found me a guy?

Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandler�s work!

Phoebe: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.

Rachel: Well, y�know what though you guys? I really appreciate that but I
think I�m just gonna take Sebastian to the charity.

Chandler: Are you sure?! Because our guy smells incredible!

Monica: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!

(Sebastian returns with the coffee.)

Sebastian: Here you go. (Hands her, her cup.)

Rachel: Oh, thank you.

Sebastian: Sure.

Phoebe: So, Sebastian, do you do any volunteer work?

Sebastian: Uh, no not really. Why?

Phoebe: No reason, it�s just I know a single guy that cares about other
people.

Chandler: Are you funny?

Sebastian: Excuse me?

Rachel: What are you guys doing?

Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!

Sebastian: Look, I just wanted to have coffee with Rachel.

Phoebe: Well, so do a lot of people.

Sebastian: Actually, I uh, I gotta get going. (To Rachel) Give me a call
sometime.

Rachel: Oh, but y�know, no, you didn�t give me your phone number.

Sebastian: Okay! See you later! (Exits.)

Chandler: (To Monica) Turns out he is kinda funny.


Commercial Break


[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]

Rachel: I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of
you!

Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cat�s name?

Phoebe: Yeah, y�know what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind
of guy you�d like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like
to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, okay... I gotta go!"

Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, we�re very sorry that is a very
insensitive thing for us to do. And y�know what? Let us make it
up to you, we have two really great guys for you.

Phoebe: Yeah! What have you got to lose? Y�know you might even end up with
someone really special (whispers) if you pick my guy.

Rachel: All right.

Chandler: Okay, so you will meet our guys?

Rachel: Yes, I�ll meet �em.

Chandler: Okay now it doesn�t matter which one you choose, y�know? It�s
completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with
the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.

Joey: (entering) Pheebs! There you are! Okay, you broke my fridge; you owe
me 400 bucks!

Phoebe: Okay sure!

Joey: Really?!

Phoebe: Ooh, technically you owe me $600 for sending out happy thoughts on
your last ten auditions.

Joey: Call it even?

Phoebe: Okay.

(Ross returns.)

Chandler: (To Ross) Well, there you are! So what did Elizabeth say?

Ross: Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break
woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots
off of girl�s bodies, waking up next to people you don�t even know...

Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel
Corona?

Chandler: You know the hotels?

Joey: Sure! I was there! Spring Break �81! Woo-hoo!

Monica: In 1981 you were 13!

Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And y�know who knows
how to party? Drunk college chicks.

Ross: Okay, she can�t go.

Phoebe: Ross, you can�t tell her not to go. You just started dating.

Ross: Then what am I supposed to do?

Phoebe: Nothing, you just have to be cool with it.

Ross: Well, what is she goes down and-and sleeps with a bunch of guys?

Chandler: Well, maybe you don�t marry this one.

[Scene: Elizabeth�s apartment, she is packing for her trip as Ross watches.]

Ross: I�m so glad you�re going on this trip!

Elizabeth: Yeah! I�ve been working so hard this semester. I really need to
go crazy y�know, blow off some steam.

Ross: Sure. Sure. Look I don�t, I don�t know if your plans are finalized
yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam.

Elizabeth: What?

Ross: Are you into crafts at all?

Elizabeth: Ross, are you okay?

Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course I�m okay! What? I�m just being supportive.
Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something)
what-what is uh, what�s this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)

Elizabeth: It�s a bathing suit?

Ross: To wear in front of people?

Elizabeth: Is that supportive?

Ross: Is this?!

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter.]

Monica: Hey!

Chandler: Good-good-good-good.

Monica: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Rachel: Hi!

Monica: We�re really glad you decided to meet our guy.

Rachel: Oh...

Monica: You�re gonna like him so much. So umm, when do you want to meet him?

Rachel: I don�t know. I know I don�t work late tomorrow night.

Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, y�know
what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right
now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)

Rachel: What?

Monica: Eldad, this is Rachel.

Eldad: How are you?

Rachel: Well-well a little blind sided but y�know good.

Chandler: Eldad, sit down. (To Rachel) Move over! Move over now!

Rachel: I... Ohh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)

Chandler: There you go! There you are! (Rachel stares at Monica and Chandler)

Monica: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into
Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What are you doing here?!

Phoebe: This is Patrick. (Points to him.)

Patrick: Hi.

Chandler: Hi. (To Phoebe) Okay, you�re too late okay? Because she�s already
with our guy.

Phoebe: (looks) Oh my God, you�re right! I am too late; they�re sitting on
the couch and talking! (To Patrick) Come on! (They go over to the
couch.) Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah?

Phoebe: This is Patrick.

Rachel: Oh, hi.

Patrick: Hi.

Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.

Rachel: Yeah?

Phoebe: Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to what�s
underneath it.

Rachel: Oh-okay, but Pheebs?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Rachel: I�m just sort of in the middle of something.

Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Yeah, that�s okay. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick
down next to Rachel.)

Monica: No! You can�t do that!

Eldad: Maybe I should go!

Monica: (stopping him) Sit down! We�re winning!

Rachel: Okay, y�know what? Maybe I should go!

All: (Chandler stops her) No-no-no-no! Have a seat! Have a seat!

Monica: Rachel! Rachel! You haven�t touched Eldad�s hair!

Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)

Rachel: Yeah, I�m good.

Phoebe: Rachel? Patrick is really rich. (To Patrick) Give her some money.

Patrick: Y�know what Phoebe? This isn�t really worth the free massage.

Monica: That�s right Patrick, bye-bye!

Chandler: (To Rachel) Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! (To
Eldad) You dance for Rachel!

(He starts to get up, but Rachel stops him.)

Rachel: No-no! Don�t dance for me! Please? Don�t! (She gets up to yell at her
�friends.�) What is the matter with you guys?

Phoebe: Yeah, okay, let�s talk it out.

Rachel: I.... Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?

Eldad: I�m a little embarrassed. (Chandler shushes him.)

Rachel: I�ll tell ya who should be embarrassed! It�s you guys! Come on! This
is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me
a date!

Phoebe: Then why did she ask us to...

Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I
actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To
Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and y�know...
(Feels Eldad�s hair)....Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would
much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of
this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back
suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special
conditioner on that hair?!

Eldad: Yes, Papaya Extract.

Rachel: Thank you! (Storms out.)

[Scene: The airport, Elizabeth�s flight is about to leave and Ross is there
to send her off.]

Ross: So uh, have a great time down there.

Elizabeth: I will.

Ross: Yeah. And did you, did you pack that bathing suit?

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway,
umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because it�s revealing
which I�m fine with, no I�m concerned about your health, sun exposure.

Elizabeth: Oh, don�t worry I have plenty of sun block, it�s SPF-30.

Ross: Well, if what�s in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get
30, sometimes it�s-it�s get 4, and I swear to God more often than not
it�s just milk.

Elizabeth: Ross, it�s going to be okay. I�m not going down there to hook up
with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are
going between us.

Ross: Really?

Elizabeth: Yeah! I�m just going down there to relax and hang out with my
friends.

Ross: Okay. Cool.

Elizabeth: Oh hey! Here they are!

(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)

Guy: Elizabeth!

(The guys pick up Elizabeth and carry her onto the plane as she waves bye.)

Ross: Call me!


Ending Credits


[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are
there.]

Phoebe: Rachel, we�re sorry for pushing those guys on you.

Rachel: Oh that�s all right! Y�know, I ended up having a really good time.
Y�know, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money
and awareness.

Chandler: So what was it for anyway?

Rachel: I wanna say a disease.

Joey: (entering) Hey!

All: Hey!

Joey: I just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV.

Rachel: Huh. All right.

(Rachel does so and it�s one of those dance party shows they have during
spring break and we see....)

Phoebe: Oh my God, look! That�s Elizabeth!

(Suddenly Ross jumps in and starts dancing with her.)

Rachel: Oh-oh Professor Geller.

Joey: Ahh, to be 13 again.

Chandler: Yeah.

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