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7/9/2002
Drunk and Disorderly in the Bathtub
First, let me enlighten you - these "experiences" I describe once a week in this column are in fact true. However outlandish or farfetched they might seem, I have not the creativity to think this crap up. And yes, I have no shame in sharing these, my most embarrassing and humiliating personal stories to complete strangers for pure entertainment purposes. In my opinion, it would be selfish of me not to.
One additional thing, you should read this story in duplicate as I was stupid enough my senior year of college to repeat the exact same experience twice. Not only the same experience, but also the same cast of characters. It really was quite freaky. A new twist on a "deja vous". It happened one stormy night my senior year of college at Marquette. Actually, I have no idea the weather conditions. That year, I was living in a house with 3 other girls and 3 boys, we were one big happy family. One friend I was living with, lets call him Ken, had a big Italian family that would visit fairly often. Moreover, his older sister and brother, lets say, Danna and Brett, would come up and stay for the night. Because we were accustomed to weekends of complete and utter debauchery, it was typically easy to entertain our guests.
On this particular night we really boozed it up. I have no recollection of the details of our activities but surely there was a party, a bar, and a few after-bars involved. I somehow made it home alone (can't imagine why- surely I was quite an attractive looker by then) and guessing, I felt pretty dirty.
So I stripped, threw on my silky robe (with horrendous holes in it at the seams I cannot now believe not one friend suggested a new purchase) and headed for the bathroom. Piecing together the story, I guess I started with turning on the sink. Not having enough running water to sooth my diseased mind, I also turned on the shower. Now, there is no evidence that I puked so what the motives to my madness, I haven't a clue. But at this time, I decided to take the full shower and laid down in the tub. I guess I was too tired to stand. and proceeded to pass out. with my robe barely hanging on to my naked body. and all the faucets running.
I'm not sure now if I even shut the door but nevertheless at least it was not locked. I also do not know the length of time I was in there "washing". This next part is borrowed from Danna and Brett, the guests of the house. After also leaving the parties earlier than everyone else (which by this point was probably around 4:30 ish), they came home and walked in the back door. The bathroom I was occupying was the downstairs guest bath right off the back door. Imagine the scene they were presented with when they walked in the door. Sadly, they had to carry me to my bedroom. wet, naked and wreaking of booze.
I was later told it resembled a vile heroin scene. I don't think I ever got to apologize and tributize the two of you for the bravery you exhibited during those harrowing incidents.