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"Remember That Time" written by Andrew Ziola, March 2002 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --Characters-- "Z" - annoying, gets naked at parties, won't shut up, pisses people off, smokes cigarettes and drinks a lot of coffee, playas bass in band, never wears a shirt, always wears shorts and flip flops.
urinates his pants all the time when passed out, kind of a greaser like cool hair and clothes, drummer of the band.
afro hair, always macking on a girl even though he has girlfriend, lead guitar and vocals in the band, always doing his weird laugh, his rotating girlfriend is always over - we never know if this girl even has her own apartment or how Old School meets these girls cause they all look and act alike. In this episode, his girlfriend's name is Sunshine.
lays on the couch all day watching sports, only messes around with ugly big girls - a lot of gross African American girls, not in the band, wears stuff like 'College' T-shirt and sweat pants.
in this show you never see her (like the Gooch), fun, always smiling, guitar player in band, he wears jeans and stuff like subway and Prom T-shirts.
School's Mom - Kathy, Old School's Sister - Lori, Jeff, Sanders, Sunshine ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --Set-- Living room of crappy college town old house, long stained puke green couch, dentist chair, broken recliner, kegerator with punk stickers on it, old big cruddy TV always with sports on it, Atari system by TV, beer bottles shelf, dart board, neon Cubs and Beer neon sign, NOFX Heavy Petting Zoo poster, around 100 keg covers on wall, crappy flying V guitar in corner, door to the bathroom is left of the set, hallway door to right of set. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --Episode 1, Pilot-- Crack and Z passed out in their shared bedroom. Crack passes gas. Z reaches over to turn off the alarm clock. Crack farts again. Z wakes up and looks at alarm clock and giggles when he realizes that it is not alarm clock it was cracks but that awoke him. Crack awakes, Crack: Dude I think I have a little problem. Z: What? Crack: I thought I farted but poo came out. Crack shows Z stain. They both laugh. 7 is passed out on couch in the living room. There are empty beer cans and cigarette butts all over the floor. 7 awakes, scratches his head, looks at his crotch. 7: Oh no. Old School, Crack, and Z enter. Old School: 7 you pee? 7: Ya. ... Z, what happened to you last night? Z shakes his head sadly. Flash back to night before. Basement party. It is Halloween and Z is dressed up as a cheerleader. Z is dancing with a group of people. Geon, dressed as Superman starts grinding Z from behind thinking that Z is a pretty girl. Z: Fuck you. (in tough, pissed, manly voice) Back in the Living Room. Everyone laughs. Crack: Where's Chewy? Old School: Last time I saw him he was doing shots off of Jen the Man's boobs. Z: Is he passed out in his room? Crack: No, dude. Flashback to Night before at same Halloween Party. Chewy's head bopping up from Jen the Man's chest. Chewy is wearing football player uniform. Jen the Man is wearing a construction worker's outfit. They both migrate over to couch. Chewy: You like sports? Jen the Man: No. Chewy: You like football? Jen the Man: No. Chewy: You are so beautiful, can I kiss you? Jen the Man: OK. They start messing around and end up at Jen the Man's disgusting apartment. There is food all over and she sleeps in a pile of dirty laundry. Back at the Living Room . . . Chewy enters in his football uniform from night before, he just got back from doing a walk of shame. ALL: Chewy! Old School: What happened to you last night? Chewy: I don't know. Old School: Where did you spend the night? Chewy: I don't know. Z: You don't even know where you slept? Where did you wake up? Chewy: I can't remember. Crack: Did you hook up with Jen the Man? Chewy: I don't remember her name. Is that chick Jen? Z: Dude you messed around with Jen the Man? Chewy: I guess so. Z: That 300 pound chick with the mustache? Chewy: Ya that is her. Crack: What did you do with her? Chewy: I don't know. I think I might have banged her. 7: Did she have a penis or a vagina? Everyone laughs. Z: Remember that time when Old School . . . Flash back to 1989 Old School is eating Pop Tarts with his dad and sister. His Mom enters kitchen with a gross old teddy bear. Mom: Old School, Susie the cleaning lady found this under your bed. She holds up the crusty, nappy teddy bear. Old School: What is that? Mom: Old School, do you masturbate? Old School: No. That is disgusting! Back in the living room. Everyone laughs. Crack: Remember that time with Chewy at the Tower dorm? The night he met you guys? In this sequence have a few flashbacks so audience can see Chewy doing beer bong, getting paddled and spitting in their bathroom. Chewy: Well we went to the Pig Roast at the Rugby players house and I did that three story beer bong. All I remember after that was puking in the huge pot that they had all the pig meat in. So they kicked me out of the party so I guess I went home or whatever. We were living at Tower dorm and our room number was 703 and all the odd numbered floors were guys floors but I guess I went to room 503 and passed out on the couch. Z: Oh ya I remember that night. Chewy was that the night that you slept with that dog under the bridge? Chewy: No. So I was passed out on some guy's couch and they came home and were like, 'Who in the fuck is this guy passed out on our couch? So they woke me up with this paddle, like one of those fraternity paddles and they tried pushing me out their door but some how I convinced them to let me pee so they tossed me in their bathroom and I pissed all over their bathroom and (Chewy recreates himself spitting) I spit on their bathroom floor. So now they are getting a little upset. Z: A little upset? Geez. I would have cut off your balls by now. Chewy: So they both grabbed me and threw me in the hall. Z: So then Chewy comes home the next morning and his jeans were all red cause he passed out again in those guy's hallway and he urinated in his pants and the red carpet in the hall mixed with the pee stained his jeans. Chewy is just shaking his head in embarrassment. Old School (sarcastically): Chewy peed his pants. No way. Z: So that morning we headed down to breakfast and Chewy had lost his wallet from that night so we went to the lobby and asked the girl at the front desk if they found a wallet and it just so happened that those guys walked in the lobby. Cut to lobby with Chewy, Z, 7 and Old School, and Desk Receptionist. Old School: Hey there's that guy who passed out in our room. 7: Ya. Back to Living Room. Chewy: So we all went to breakfast together, 7 gave me my wallet, told us the story about that night and we have been friends ever since, up until I had sex with 7's sister. 7: What? Chewy: We will save that story for another time 7 (pissed and serious): You fuck. You know my sister should never leave fat camp. All 5 guys laughing in Living Room. Z: Old School, do you remember that other time at your parent's house. For this scene we hear Old School's voice but we see the scene with him at his parent's house. Cut to Old School stumbling drunk into his sister's bedroom only wearing tighty whitey underwear. He pulls out his penis and aims toward his sister's head who is sound asleep. She suddenly awakens and screams Sister: Mom, Dad, Old School is gonna pee on me! Old School's parents enter all tired and flustered. Dad: Old School, What are you doing? Mom: Old School! Old School (drunk, sarcastic, out of it): Don't worry about it. Old School then kind of comes to and stumbles into his parents bedroom and climbs into their bedroom. Mom: What are you doing? Dad: Go back to your own bedroom Old School. Old School: I don't want to, my bed is all wet. Back in the living room everyone is laughing and they all are holding cups of beer. All take a sip of beer at the same time. Old School: Chewy, I bet you can't shotgun that beer. Chewy: If I shotgun a drip of beer right now I will puke. Flashback to night before, all 5 guys and 3 pretty girls in their underwear in the Living Room. Green Day song is playing - right when songs kicks in, all 8 people shotgun beer. Back in the Living Room zoom in on Chewy's face. He has a look of disgust
from remembering the Z: 7, how any times have you peed your pants, like 100? 7: Uh? Z: Like 200? 7: Ya. . . . This scene - when 7 is talking, flash to some video highlights of 7. Old School: Do ya remember that Less Than Jake show last Summer? 7: Ennnh! Z and Crack start giggling. Chewy: Why? What happened? 7: Ennh. We went to that brewery tour and then we met Z and Crack at that hot chicken wings place. Chewy: You didn't eat those super firecracker hot wings did you? 7: Ya ... So we were there for a few hours and I think we did those liquid cocaine shots and I had like 14 beers and we went to that rock concert. Z: Was that the night you puked in that little girl's backpack? 7: No. We got to the show and we went to the ballroom to see the Teen Idols and I thought I farted but poo came out so I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and I went in a stall but the door wouldn't lock so these punk kids kept coming in my stall and I was like fuck that so I went back to Ass hole John's place. Old School: Did you see any of the bands that night? 7: No. The show didn't even start when I shit my pants. Old School: Oh ya, and you passed out at John's and the next morning John thought his cat was really sick 'cause it's whole litter box was a solid brick. 7 peed in the litter box and the clumping litter formed into a solid block. 7: Ya. All are laughing and slapping hi-fives.
School's T-shirts. She looks pissed. Sunshine: What is so funny? Old School: Hey babe. We were just talking. Z: (Sarcastically because she is so unkempt) Good morning Sunshine. Sunshine: Mornin' Cock sucker. You remember that time when . . . Cut to scene with Old School and Sunshine in Old School's bed. Chewy climbs into bed and joins them watching the television. Chewy passes out so Old School and Sunshine make love with Chewy still on the bed. When they complete the act, they roll over and are both looking at Chewy and he has a dirty and content smile on his face. They look down at his genital area and the stain from pee gets larger and larger. They laugh but try and push him out of the room. He awakens in a stupor looks at both of them who are still naked and Chewy just walks out not even realizing what he just had seen or experienced. He ends up near the kitchen and thinking it is his bed he lays down on the floor and his head flops into the cat's litter box. Cut to next day of everyone in the Living Room and Chewy enters and he has a bunch of cat litter on the side of his head but he doesn't realize it. Z: Hey Chewy. Crack: Chewy what the hell is that in your ear? Chewy picks his ear and smells his finger and realizes that it is cat poo. Chewy: Fuck Z: What? Chewy: I think I passed out in your fucking cat's litter box. When are
we gonna get rid of that Crack: Dude the cat didn't poo in your ear, you passed out in ITS litter box. Sunshine: Oh hey old School I talked to my X-boyfriend on the phone a little while ago. That fuck still doesn't have my money. Old School: We should so shit-bag that guy. Sunshine: What is shit-bagging? This next montage is just quick hits of a whole bunch of shit bags. Like boom boom boom. - Z hunched over a box pooping in it and then cut to him dropping the box in the mail. Cut to mail room and 2 workers have gross look on face and waving arms because they smell something horrible. Cut to some guy excited cause he looks at box and he got package in mail from his girlfriend with hearts on it and he opens it, smells it, realized what it is. Cut to him vomiting in garbage. - Chewy looks excited and all the roommates are there Chewy: The autographed Walter Payton photo from my brother is here! Chewy reaches his hand in and pulls out about 15 used condoms and everyone gets disgusted. - Crack pooping in upper toilet tank. Cut to Z entering bathroom. He pees and flushes and looks into bowl and looks confused because poo water enters toilet after it was flushed. So he just shrugs and leaves bathroom. - 7 laughing and peeing in shampoo bottle in the bathroom. Cut to Old School in the shower. He squirts shampoo into his hand and it is all watery. He smells it, realizes that it is pee and he runs out of shower all angry and naked. - Z sitting in the bathroom cutting his toenails. He places the clippings into an ice-cube tray. Cut to Z in the kitchen putting water into ice-cube tray and then places into fridge. Cut to 7 in kitchen putting ice cubes into cup. He enters living room with the cup. Everyone is laughing. 7: What? - Old school in bathroom pooping into a cup. Cut to him in Crack and Z's bedroom. He places cup behind their television. Cut to Z and Crack in their room. Z: What the fuck is that smell? You drop ass? Crack: No. Crack walks over to TV and finds cup. And gets really angry. Chewy enters. Crack: What the fuck is this? Chewy laughs. Crack throws poo cup at Chewy. - Chewy pooing on a tray. Walks into hallway and wipes poo on a door knob to the neighbors apartment. Cut to neighbor all pissed off because the poo jammed into the key hole will not allow their key to fit in door so neighbor leaves all pissed. - Group of 3 college guys are writing on Chewy with markers cause he is passed out in hall of a dorm. Chewy awakens in the hall of a dorm covered in marker. Cut to Joe goes into shower room. Zoom into him looking in the mirror and a huge "Fuck Nuts" is written in marker on his face. Stranger enters. Stranger: Hey Fuck Nuts. Chewy shakes his head and enters the shower. Joe is in the shower and he looks down and sees pee in the trough that takes the water out of showers. Then he hears something strange. Stranger 2: Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus! Joe finishes shower has towel wrapped around his waist and looks under curtain of another shower and sees small African American kid on his knees still saying 'Thank you Jesus' and he starts speaking in tongues. Chewy is brushing teeth and a couple of guys enter from shower area. As they pass they fling their own pubes on to the wall. There are hundreds of small hairs on the wall from months of people doing the same. Z enters and walks toward Joe. Z: Man its a little hairy in here. Everyone in bathroom laughs. Back to Living Room. All 6 of them are laughing, then it gets quiet. Z: Who was that? Chewy sort of raises his hand. Everyone smells that area and eyes begin watering and all but Chewy look a little green. Z grabs his mouth, runs into the bathroom. You just see 4 guys laughing and the sound of Z vomiting behind the set.
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