This little diddy was inspired by a woman I encountered, and wanted to pummel, at Jamba Juice today.  I call it, LEARN TO PARK YOUR CAR OR GET A FRICKING BIKE.

First of all, if you live in the burbs, there are these fantastic things called sidewalks. They are meant for people to walk on, for children to ride bikes on, for people to stroll with their babies in strollers, or possibly for a person in a wheelchair to use.  The sidewalk is meant for a continuous path of smooth walking, rollerblading, bike riding, etc. IF YOU PARK YOUR CAR ACROSS THE SIDEWALK this can not happen. DUH!  When you live in a house with a 2 car garage and a driveway of any variety, there is NO REASON for this.  Pull your car up and don’t block the sidewalk or GET A FRICKING BIKE and park it in your garage.

Next, when you are in the city and parallel parking, find a space that your car actually fits in.  Then please kindly pull your car into the spot and pull up close enough to the car in front of you with plenty of space for you, or the car in front of you, to pull out.  When you squeeze your car into a spot it not only creates a problem for you, but also for the people who own the car in front and behind you. Why should we make other people have to work harder just so we can make things convenient for ourselves?  If you live in the city and park on the street and can not understand this, GET A FRICKING BIKE and park it in your house/condo/apartment. Or take the darn bus. Now, I understand that parking in the city is quite difficult but it doesn’t really have to be. COURTESY PEOPLE!

Parking in a parking lot is always easy. ANY MONKEY BRAIN can do it.  You pull into a slot that has two yellow lines on each side.  You park your car IN THE MIDDLE of those two lines.  The reason for this is so that your car is not so close to another car so that the owner of the other car can not even open their door, let alone get into their own car.  This is what happened to me today at Jamba Juice. How difficult is this concept to grasp and actually DO?  You and the owners of the other cars next to you should be able to open their doors AT LEAST HALF WAY. If not then you ARE TOO FRICKIN CLOSE.  If you drive a big ass SUV and it takes up a ton of space then park at the end of the lot where no cars park next to you. Some people have small kids and need a lot of space to open doors or maybe a person is shall we say quite large and needs more space to get into their car.  Also, there is a line in the front of the parking slot as well.  Don’t park over it. If you have to ask “WHY?”  then you should get a FRICKING BIKE ! They are easier to park. My guess would be that if you have trouble parking your car, you have even more trouble driving it. Do everyone a favor and GET A FRICKING BIKE.

One more thing that is worth noting.  Your car is NEVER good enough to take up more than one space in any lot or street. PERIOD. End of story.