How to Ride Public Transportation

Hi. I have been riding Chicago public transportation since 1997. I took the bus to work for 3 years and I have been taking the L everyday since 1999.

Elevated Train

When you the doors open don't stand in front of the doors. Stand off to the side and wait for people to get off. When people are off, move to the middle or back of the car. In some instances it might appear that you are moving to the back of a car when you proceed to the doors on the opposite site of a car. This might not be the case considering doors are used on both sides of the car depending on what stations are upcoming. Please do not hang out near the doors. Just follow the "move to the back of the car" rule and you will be fine. A lot of people seem to like leaning on the walls near the door but they don't realize that they are in the way of people entering and exiting the train. If you are rushing to get on a train because its doors are closing, please don't run on the train and then stop. Please move away from the door in case there are others behind you rushing to get on the train.

If a train is really packed, wait for the next train which is probably 1 or 2 minutes away. Most of the time the train that follows a crowded train is very empty.

Please shower before you ride the train. There is nothing worse than a train full of people and someone has BO. This also is relevant for farting. Hold farts until you have exited the train.

If there is an open seat, sit in it. Using the seats makes more room for others. If you are a gentlemen and concerned about offering your seat to an old person or girl, that is really great. But if you don't see a girl or old person around, just sit your ass down.

If you are obese, do not expect special treatment. Just because you are huge, this doesn't mean that you can get a whole 2 seats to yourself. I happen to be small and can fit my ass on 1/2 of a chair so get your bag off that 1/2 open part of that chair and let me sit.

Your bag is not a passenger. Do not sit your bags on chairs or spots where people can stand.

Please do not hog the pole. The vertical poles that people hold on to are not for just one person so do not lean against them like they are a wall. At times, up to 5 different riders may want to grab on any given pole.

You don't have to get out of your seat before we get to your desired stop. Once we get to your desired stop you will have plenty of time to exit before the doors close. By getting out of your seat early you are just taking up space and causing a problem.

Try to keep cell phone conversations to a minimum. I do not care what you are your boyfriend are having for dinner. I do not care about your friend kissing that ugly guy at Beaumonts last Saturday.

If you are a crazy, smelly homeless person, please don't stand or sit by me. You are freaking me out.

Complaining out loud helps no-one. Just keep your mouth shut unless you are going to say something positive. We are all in this together. It is not the most pleasant experience in the world. You only paid $1.75 to ride anywhere in the city so shut up. Feel free to complain all you want if you are taking a cab or your own car but don't make a peep on the L unless you are going to tell me that you think I am nice and handsome.

Thanks,
Andrew Ziola

Bus

Chicago city buses are pretty horrible but are an effective way to really get anywhere. So remember that even though a crowded bus is not a pleasant experience, remember that you can get wherever you want in the city for only $1.75 so suck it up, it will all be over shortly.

Please shower before you ride the bus. There is nothing worse than a bus full of people and someone has BO. This also is relevant for farting. Hold farts until you have exited the bus.

When a bus pulls into your stop, step to the side of the door to let people off, get on the bus and pay your fare, and move to the back of the bus. I will repeat this because it is very important. Move to the back of the bus. It is very simple. Passengers and drivers still will complain and yell out, "Move to the back of the bus." so help us all out and just do it so we don't have to hear this annoying yelling.

If you don't mind being cramped in the front of the bus, get on a very crowded bus. There is a good thing here. These buses typically become express buses and don't bother making the stops anymore. But on the flipside do not get upset when buses pass you as you wait in the cold at your stop. They are doing this because the bus simply has no room left.

Bad weather = bad bus reliability, please plan accordingly. During bad snow and rain storms it seems that there are less buses on the road for some reason. Just deal with it. It sucks that you are wet and cold but if this makes you so mad, just get a cab.

If you get on the bus and it is pretty full, please do not bump people and force your way to the back. There is a very good chance that the bus is full in the back so just take your spot closer to the front of the bus.

If your stop is next, pull the stop-the-bus cord once. Do not yank it multiple times. That is annoying. When the bus stops push the door and exit the bus. Now go off on your way. The nasty bus ride is over.

Thanks,
Andrew Ziola

This is simple. A lot of us Chicagoans ride the Elevated train or the bus to work. We look at strangers get on and off. Well I am going to take that a step further and make up stuff about them based on a simple glance I gave them 3 High School Kids, they consider the train like a fun rise, they don't really understand that it is a mode of transportation. They are all wearing headphones, I doubt any of them are on, they just think they look cool A poser punk kid, Asian-American, maybe 16 years old, baggy pants, spiked hair with dark purple highlights. This kid will listen to Phish or the Dead or whatever hippie shit is around when he goes to college.

2 older ladies maybe 65 years old. They are both retired but they do work part time at a community college admissions office. They take the L every morning together so they can talk.

Young adult male with luggage, going to visit an old friend (female) in New York. He is wearing a ski jacket and tan cotton pants. They will get drunk and mess around this weekend for the 1st time.

About 24 year old male, works at ISP, this is first year he has taken L to work and he thinks he is the only person on the train so he uses the pole as a personal leaning-on device. Even though there are 30 people smashed up against the doors, he feels that the pole you hold on to is all his to use.

2 middle age women dressed in mid 1990's styles. They are headed for a morning at the museum and an afternoon of Michigan Ave. shopping.

Bearded guy. Loves looking at girls in their 20's cause this guy's wife is old and big. He is a civil engineer.

Old Asian-American lady, runs a small tailor in the Loop. She is asleep on train because she only gets 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night because she also babysits her single daughters kid.