Anchorman Quotes

 

wastheballs.wav

Bill Lawson - Narrator (Bill Kurtis): "He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr, and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls."

meremortals.wav

Narrator: "He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals."

wolverinepurr.wav

Narrator: "He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr."

howgoodilook.wav

Ron Burgundy (): "Mm, I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone, come and see how good I look!"

hownowbrowncow.wav

Ron: "How now brown cow. How now brown cow. How now brown cow."

howareyou.wav

Ron: "How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don't wear a bra next time. No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don't know her name. What is it? Lanolin? La-lanolin, like-- like sheep's wool."

ilovescotch.wav

Ron: "Mm, I love scotch. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm."

thearsonist.wav

Ron: "The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet."

dontbelieveyou.wav

Ron: "How much time? 30? 30 seconds?"
Stage Hand: "You are on right now."
Ron: "I'm on right now? I don't believe you."

looklikehell.wav

Ron: "Oh, come on, Audry! I look like hell, I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well, if you were a man, I would punch you. I'd punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league."

bankloan.wav

Ron: "The human torch was denied a bank loan."

lookatme.wav

Ron: "You hear me? Audry! Look at me!"

hahahohaha.wav

Ron: "Ho-Ho. Ho-ha-ha-ho. Ho-ha-ho. (He starts screaming)"

inyourworld.wav

Ron: "Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world tonight."

stayclassy.wav

Ron: "I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diago."

yourattention.wav

Ron: "Ladies and gentlemen, can I please hove your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. And I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!"

cannonball.wav

Ron: "Cannonball!"

nickname.wav

Brian Fantana (): "I know what you're asking yourself. And the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the octagon. But I aslo nicknamed my testis. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noiswater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang."

havingfun.wav

Champ Kind (): "I'm all about having fun. You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen, maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off."

whammy.wav

Champ: "Whammy!"

iampolite.wav

Brick Tamland (): "I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite, and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks."

yourboobies.wav

Hot Blonde (Darcy Donavan): "I've got a big story for you."
Ron: "Mm-hmm."
Hot Blonde: "And It's right here."
Ron: "Well, hello. You pointed to your boobies."

beardofzeus.wav

Ron: "By the beard of zeus."

ohhhhh.wav

Ron: "Ohhhhh."

breathtaking.wav

Ron: "Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, I saw you from across the party, and, uh, I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I mean, that thing is good. I want to be friends with it."

abigdeal.wav

Veronica Corningstone (): "Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. Now, if you'll excuse me."
Ron: "Do you know who I am?"
Veronica: "No, I can't say that I do."
Ron: "I don't know how to put this, but, I'm kind of a big deal."
Veronica: "Really"
Ron: "People know me."
Veronica: "Well, I'm very happy for you."

veryimportant.wav

Ron: "I'm very important, uh, I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I-- I'm friends with Merlin Olson, too. He comes over on occasion."

startover.wav

Ron: "Can I start over again?"

iwannabenoyou.wav

Ron: "I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there. If you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I wanna be on you. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."

minibuddha.wav

Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "What? I'm lonely? I'm not lonely!"
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego."
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "Wow. You know How to cut to the core of me, Baxter."
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha covered in hair."

thatsamazing.wav

Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "Come again?"
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please."
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "Huh?"
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "You pooped in the refrigerator?"
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "And you ate a whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that?"
Baxter The Dog: "(Barking)"
Ron: "Actually, I'm not even mad. That's amazing. Hmm."

hungover.wav

Brian: "Oh, that was one crazy party. I am hung over."

ateyoursquirrel.wav

Champ: "I woke up this morning and I bleep a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this bleep -covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't kno what to name it."
Brick: "Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel."

payingattention.wav

Ed Harken (Fred Willard): "Ron, are you paying attention?"
Ron: "Nope."
Ed: "Well, this concerns all of us."
Ron: "Okay."

notanchorlady.wav

Brian: "I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap! Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. I mean, they rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom!"
Champ: "It is anchorman, not anchorlady! And that is a scientific fact!"
Brian: "Uh-huh."
Brick: "I don't know what we're yelling about!"

yellingabout.wav

Brick: "I don't know what we're yelling about!"

itsterrible.wav

Brian: "You're with us, Ron, what do you think?"
Ron: "She-- sh-- It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!"
Brian: "Mm-hmm."
Brick: "Loud noises!"

loudnoises.wav

Brick: "Loud noises!"

attractbears.wav

Ed: "Alright, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime."
Brick: "I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation."
Brian: "Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."

bigolebehind.wav

Champ: "I will say one thing for her, Ed. She does have a nice big ole behind. I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt and just (jibberish)"
Ed: "Stop it now. (laughing)"

nightwolf.wav

Champ: "That behind is driving me loco! I'm like a night wolf. (howling)"

gonesoftonus.wav

Brian: "He's gone soft on us like some schoolboy bitch."
Champ: "You sound like a gay."

niceclothes.wav

Wes Mantooth (Vince Vaughn): "Hey, nice clothes, gentlemen. I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale. (laughs goofily) Am I right? Am I right? Look at these guys. (laughs goofily)"
Brick: "Hey! Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?"

windshield.wav

Champ: "I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!"

ihateyou.wav

Wes: "I hate you, Ron Burgundy, I hate you!"

nopantsdance.wav

Brian: "I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up."

whatcologne.wav

Ron: "What cologne are you gonna go with? London Gentlemen, or-- wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blaceard's Delight."
Brian: "No, she gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep, it's made with bits of real panther. So you know it's good."
Ron: "It's quite pungent."
Brian: "Oh yeah."
Ron: "Ooh, it's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. In a good way."
Brian: "Yeah."
Ron: "Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline."

realpanther.wav

Brian: "Yep, it's made with bits of real panther. So you know it's good."

quitepungent.wav

Ron: "It's quite pungent."

formidablescent.wav

Ron: "Ooh, it's a formidable scent."

stingsnostrils.wav

Ron: "It stings the nostrils... in a good way."

everytime.wav

Brian: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works everytime."
Ron: "That doesn't make sense."

thatsmell.wav

Veronica: "What is that smell? Oh!"
Brian: "That's the smell of desire, milady."
Veronica: "God, no, it smells like-- like a used diaper filled with indian food. Oh! Excuse me."
Brian: "You know, desire smells like that to some people."

turdburnthair.wav

Garth Holiday (Chris Parnell): "What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair."

bigfootsdick.wav

News Station Employee (Debra McGuire): "Smells like Bigfoot's dick!"

pantsparty.wav

Brick: "Cough! Look over here! Excuse me, Veronica."
Veronica: "Yes, what is it, Brick?"
Brick: "I would like to extend to you an invitatian to the pants party."
Veronica: "Excuse me?"
Brick: "The party. The pants-- with the pants. Party with pants?"
Veronica: "Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and I'm invites?"
Brick: "That's it."
Veronica: "Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?"
Brick: "No-- yes, he did."
Veronica: "Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants."
Brick: "Very well. Ian? Would you like to go to a party in my pants?"
Stage Manager (Ian Roberts): "No, Brick."
Brick: "All right. Let's go!"

deepburn.wav

Ron: "Oh, it's the deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting, I did over a thousand. You have your ubulus muscle which connects to the upper dorcinus."

fortheguns.wav

Ron: "I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind. Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you."
Veronica: "You are pathetic. This has to be the feeblest pickup attempt that I have ever encountered. You know, I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you."
Ron: "Wait a minute! I-- puckup attempt? I-- I'm offended. I have very little time to get to the gym, so I have to sculpt my guns at the office."
Veronica: "Oh, stop calling your arms guns."

toohurt.wav

Ron: "Look, my plan was to ask you if I could squire you about town as one professional helping another professional, because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city."
Veronica: "Really?"
Ron: "Yes. But now I am-- I am too hurt. I'm shocked and offended and-- and hurt."

opticalillulion.wav

Veronica: "Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection."
Ron: "Really? Yes, I do. Um, I'm sorry, it's the-- it's the pleats. It's uh, it's actually a n optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to... the pants store. Oh, this is awkward."

massiveerection.wav

Veronica: "Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection."

backtowork.wav

Ron: "Nothing to look at. Go back to work everyone."

notimpressed.wav

Ron: "Don't act like you're not impressed."

questionmark.wav

Ron: "You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?"
Ed: "Damnit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read."

heshairy.wav

Veronica: "Oh, god, this is a mistake. This is a mistake. He's very cute. Very cute. No he's not. No he's not. He's hairy."

handsomebeast.wav

Ron: "You look ravishing. It truely is beauty and the beast. I might add a handsome beast at that."

downsmooth.wav

Ron: "Mm, drink it in. It always goes down smooth."

sandiego.wav

Ron: "It's a fact. It's the greatest city in the history of mankind. Discovered by the Germans in 1904. They named it San Diago which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
Veronica: "N-- no, there's no way that's correct."
Ron: "I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you."
Veronica: "Oh."
Ron: "I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't thin anyone knows what it means anybore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."
Veronica: "It-- Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?"
Ron: "No. No."
Veronica: "No, that's-- that's what it means. Really."
Ron: "Well, agree to disagree."

wheninrome.wav

Veronica: "Oh, well, when in Rome."
Ron: "Yes? Please go on."
Veronica: "Uh, do as the Romans do? It's an old expression."
Ron: "Oh! I've never heard of it."
Veronica: "Oh."
Ron: "It's wonderful, though."

copeople.wav

Veronica: "We really should be going. I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker."
ROn: "Wait. What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers? We were co-people?"
Veronica: "I don't--"
ROn: "Shh. You be a woman. I'll be a man. That's all."

stormingyour.wav

Ron: "Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady."

pleasuretown.wav

Veronica: "Take me to pleasure town."

frigginloveyou.wav

Ron: "I friggin' love you!"
Veronica: "I friggin' love you back."

wheninrome2.wav

Veronica: "But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional."
Ron: "Right. When in Rome. Hmm."
Veronica: "Yeah. That, uh, expression doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about"
Ron: "Oh. Oh, I'm--"
Veronica: "What I was saying."
Ron: "I still don't quite understand what it means."

yelledit.wav

Ron: "Veronica Corningstone and I had sex and now we are in love! Did I say that loud?"
Brian: "Yeah, you pretty much yelled it."
Ron: "Well, I can't help it. It's fantastic."

whatsitlike.wav

Champ: "What's it like, Ron?"
Ron: "The intimate times? Outta site, my man."
Brian: "No, the other thing? Love?"
Brick: "Yeah, what is that?"

inloveonce.wav

Brian: "I think I was in love once."
Ron: "Really? What was her name?"
Brian: "I don't remember."
Ron: "That's not a good start but-- but, keep going."
Brian: "She was brazillian or chinese or something wierd. I met her in the bathroom of a K-mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see eachother again."
Ron: "I'm pretty sure that's not love."
Brian: "Damnit!"

washername.wav

Brian: "I think I was in love once."
Ron: "Really? What was her name?"
Brian: "I don't remember."

ilovelamp.wav

Brick: "I love... carpet. I love... desk."
Ron: "Brick, are you just looking at thinks in he office and saying you love them?"
Brick: "I love lamp."
Ron: "Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it?"
Brick: "I love lamp! I love lamp."

afternoondelight.wav

Ron: "You really wanna know what love is?"
Champ: "Yeah."
Ron: "Yes, tell us."
Brick: "More than anything in tho world, Ron."
Ron: "Well, it's really quite simple. It's kinda like: (singing) Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto's always been when it's right, it's right. Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night."
All: "(start singing Afternoon Delight Written by William Danoff)"
Ron: "You guy's have it, I think."
All: "(singing) Afternoon deright."
Champ: "I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy."
Brian: "Sounds like you have mental problems, man."
Brick: "Yeah, you have mental problems, man."
Brian: "Yeah, it really does."
Brick: "Man."
All: "(singing) Afternoon Delight."

mentalproblems.wav

Champ: "I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy."
Brian: "Sounds like you have mental problems, man."
Brick: "Yeah, you have mental problems, man."
Brian: "Yeah, it really does."
Brick: "Man."

inthebedroom.wav

Ron: "And that, of course, was our newest reporter, Veronica, Corningstone. She's really great. I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom."

introuble.wav

Ron: "Uh-oh. I might be in trouble no that one."

stoptalking.wav

Champ: "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without ya. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you! I miss your laugh! I miss-- I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together."
Brian: "Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while."

getmarried.wav

Ron: "I know that, one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. And there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited!"

goodgoodone.wav

Brian: "I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head."
Brick: "(Laughing) Good-- Good one."

howkidsare.wav

Veronica: "I could come back later, Mr. Hraken."
Ed: "Oh, no, no, no. It's just parent stuff. It seems our youngest, Chris was on something called acid and was firing a bow and arrow into crowd."
Veronica: "Mm."
Ed: "You know how kids are."

throwaburrito.wav

Angry Biker (Jack Black): "What the hell, bro?"
Ron: "Hello, neighbor."
Angry Biker: "Did you just throw a burrito out your window, huh?"
Ron: "I believe I did."
Angry Biker: "What, are you high or something? Did you see what happened?"
Ron: "I did see. That was a terrific little spill. That's quite a rasberry."
Angry Biker: "That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph."
Ron: "Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?"
Angry Biker: "I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!"
Ron: "If you want to throw down in fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you, right here."

whatthehell.wav

Angry Bike: "What the hell, bro?"

helloneighbor.wav

Ron: "Hello, neighbor"

highorsomithing.wav

Angry Biker: "What are you, high or something?"

easycompadre.wav

Ron: "Easy compadre."

fisticuffs.wav

Ron: "If you want to throw down in fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you, right here."

whatdoyoulove.wav

Angry Biker: "You destroyed the onlything I love. All right? There it is. What do you love?"
Ron: "I love poetry and a glass of Scotch and, of course, my friend Baxter here."
Angry Biker: "Well, guess what. Now this is happening. (He picks up the dog and carries him to the edge of the bridge)"
Ron: "Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?"
Angry Biker: "(He kicks the dog off the brigde into the river) That's how I roll."

howiroll.wav

Angry Biker: "That's how I roll."

exquisitebreasts.wav

Veronica: "Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on."
Ed: "Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times. There's never been a woman anchor."
Veronica: "Mr. Harken, this city needs it's news."
Ed: "Oh?"
Veronica: "And you are gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts, Exquisite breasts?"

threethings.wav

Veronica: "Now, I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: fighting, screwing and reading the news. Now, I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be, huh?"
Ed: "Uh, screwing?"
Veronica: "(She slaps him and shoves Garth's face back.) I will be in makeup."

 

"...Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look" lookgood.wav

"Unique, New York. Unique, New York" newyork.wav

"I love scotch..." scotch.wav

"...I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story..." cannonball.wav

What Champ is all about champ.wav

"...Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman" heiny.wav

"...My apartment smells of rich mahogany" important.wav

Ron talks to his dog, Baxter, and understands what he's saying dog.wav

"...I ate a big red candle" candle.wav

What Ron thinks diversity is diversity.wav

"I don't know what we're yelling about!" yelling.wav

"Loud noises!" loudnoises.wav

"...Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?" toiletstore.wav

"...I guess I have to take you at your word, number two" no2.wav

"...We've both seen our share of pornographic materials..." germanporn.wav

"Sixty percent of the time, it works every time" 60percent.wav

"...No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants" pantsparty.wav

"...Anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read" willread.wav

"...I'm pretty sure that's not love" notlove.wav

"...I love lamp, I love lamp" lovelamp.wav

Ron says, on the air, that he and Veronica are dating dating.wav

Champ sounds like he's in love with Ron missyou.wav

"I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married on top a mountain..." married.wav

"...I deserve the opportunity to take on more challenging stories..." recipe.wav

"Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman..." baxter.wav

"...You are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts?" breasts.wav

"I am good at three things: fighting, screwing, and reading the news..." 3things.wav

"I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION" emotion.wav

Ron thought of Veronica's aspiring to be an anchor as a joke joke.wav

"...Stay classy. Thanks for stopping by..." classythanks.wav

"There's only one thing a man can do when..." newsuits.wav

"Rick, I thought you said this was a shortcut? Fantastic..." shortcut.wav

"...You're about to be in dead place" deadplace.wav

"...No commercials, no mercy!" publicnews.wav

"...The sewers run red, with Burgundy's blood" burgundysblood.wav

"...Brick killed a guy..." murder.wav

"Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy..." name.wav

"...That's what kind of man I am" man.wav

"Well, you have bad hair..." badhair.wav

"Ron, I've gotta fire you. Well, I've gotta fire you..." fire.wav

"...San Diegans out in front of the station" sandiegans.wav

"...Don't lose any more hair over it" 2towoman.wav

"...She's better than me" noheart.wav

"...Basically the biggest story of my career launching me to a level I've never known before or..." pickle.wav

"Today, we spell redemption R-O-N" ron.wav

"...I am seventy-two percent sure that I love you" 72percent.wav

"I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said..." insulation.wav

"(barking) –You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha… covered in hair. –(barking) –Come again? –(barking) –You know I don't speak Spanish! In English, please. –(bark)." (Baxter the dog) | (Ron Burgundy)

"Sounds like you have mental problems, man. –Yeah, you got a mental problems, man. –Yeah, it really does. –Man." (Brian Fantana) | (Brick Tamland)

"There's only one thing a man can do when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk. –Go to the zoo, flip-off the monkeys? –No. Buy new suits." (Ron Burgundy) | (Champ Kind)

"I think I was in love once. –Really? What was her name? –I don't remember. –That's not a good start, but… but keep going." (Brian Fantana) | (Ron Burgundy)

"You are pathetic. This has to be the feeblest pick-up attempt that I have ever encountered." (Veronica Corningstone)

"People seem to like me because I am polite and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream, and I really enjoy a pair of slacks." (Brick Tamland)

"Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy and this is what's happening in your world tonight." (Ron Burgundy)

"What in the hell's 'diversity'? –(ahem) Well, I-I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, 'diversity' is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era." (Champ Kind) | (Ron Burgundy)

"Mmm. I just burned my tongue." (Brick Tamland)

"Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase. I have no idea where he would've gotten ahold of German pornography." Fred Willard (Ed Harken)

"Hey! Leave the mothers out of this, all right?" (Ron Burgundy)

sheisterrifying.wav

Ed: "Jesus, she is terrifying!"

puntedhim.wav

Brian: "Fantana."
Ron: "(Wails uncontrollably)"
Brian: "Ron, are you okay?"
Ron: "The man punted Baxter."
Brian: "Calm down. Breathe, Ron. Breathe."
Ron: "The man who loved the motorcycle."
Brian: "What'd the bad man do, Ron?"
Ron: "The motorcycle on the bridge. I hit him with a burrito."
Brian: "Ron!"
Ron: "And he took him with his foot and he kicked him! That's what he did."
Brian: "Someone punted him?"
Ron: "Look, wait. Wait, let me say something. (wails uncontrollably)"

glasscase.wav

Brian: "Ron, wh-- where are you?"
ROn: "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

yournotron.wav

Brick: "You're not Ron."

itwasajoke.wav

Ron: "I can't believe you did this to me. You read my news!"
Veronica: "I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that!"
Ron: "I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke! I even wrote it down in my diary, 'Veronica had a very funny joke today.' I laugh at it later that night."

wearethrough.wav

Ron: "Get out! Just go! You-- We are through! Through because of your actions you scorpion woman!"

scorpionwoman.wav

Ron: "You scorpion woman!"

notrealpirates.wav

Ron: "What Brian didn't tell you was that those were not real pirates. They looked convincing, though."
Brian: "Oh, yes."

stoppingby.wav

Ron: "Well, for all of us here at channel four news, I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diego."
Veronica: "And thanks for stopping by."
Ron: "But mainly, stay classy."
Veronica: "Thanks for stopping by."
Ron: "Stay classy. I'm Ron Burgundy."
Veronica: "Thanks for stopping by."
Ron: "Stay classy. Ron Burgundy."

realhooker.wav

Ron: "Huh, you are a real hooker. And I'm gonna slap you in public."

waytoomuch.wav

Veronica: "You have way too much pubic hair."
Ron: "Hmm, actually that's a point of pride. I'm very proud of my mane of pubic hair. So, thank you."

manboobs.wav

Veronica: "You have man boobs."
Ron: "You've got a dirty whorish mouth. That's what you have."

intheovary.wav

Ron: "I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. That's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot."
Veronica: "Ooh, ow."
Ron: "Right to the baby-maker."
Veronica: "Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys."
Ron: "Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for. I can't work with this woman."

titsmcgee.wav

Announcer (Chuck Poynter): "You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee."
Veronica: "Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation."

yourdoctor.wav

Veronica: "(phone rings) Veronica Corningstone."
Ron: "This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You're-- You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news."
Veronica: "Who is this?"
Ron: "This is Dr. Chim. Dr. Chim Richalds."
Veronica: "Ron, is this you?"
Ron: "I'm a professional doctor. You saw me. You don't remember. We-- You should move. You should get out of the business."
Veronica: "This is pathetic."
Ron: "You're pathetic."
Champ: "What'd she say?"
Ron: "She-- I don't-- I think she bought it."

sonofabeesting.wav

Ron: "Son of a bee sting. She's turning the whole office against us."

buynewsuits.wav

Champ: "What are we gonna do?"
Ron: "There's only one thing a man can do when he's suffering from a spiritual and existensial funk."
Champ: "Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys?"
Ron: "No, buy new suits."
All: "Yea!"

hesaidheine.wav

Wes Mantooth: "You know, I understand that, uh, they had to bring a female in, change your diapers, wipe the dribble away from your bubbling lips, rub vasoline all over your heine and tell that it's special and different from everyone elses."
Brick: "(laughing) He said heine."

letsdance.wav

Ron: "Let's dance, dickweed."

murderyourass.wav

Frank Vitchard (Luke Wilson): "I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass."

seethatcoming.wav

Frank Vitchard: "(his arm gets sliced off) Oh, god! Oh, I did not see that coming!"

wantedfor.wav

Ron: "Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast."
Champ: "It jumped up a notch."
Ron: "It did, didn't it?"
Brick: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart."
Ron: "I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?"
Brick: "Yeah. There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident."
Ron: "Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."

escalated.wav

Ron: "Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast."

killedaguy.wav

Champ: "It jumped up a notch."
Ron: "It did, didn't it?"
Brick: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart."
Ron: "I saw that. Brick killed a guy."

trident.wav

Ron: "Did you throw a trident?"
Brick: "Yeah. There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident."

cockfight.wav

Ron: "I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight."

notababy.wav

Veronica: "Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby."
Ron: "I'm not a baby, I am a man! I am an anchorman!"

itsscience.wav

Ron: "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel towel out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."

piratehooker.wav

Ron: "You are a smelly priate hooker."

blueberry.wav

Veronica: "You look like a blueberry."

whoreisland.wav

Ron: "Why don't you go back to your home on whore island?"

thathurt.wav

Ron: "Ah! Knights of Rolumbus, that hurt!"

yourself.wav

Veronica: "From the entire channel four news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone."
Ron: "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go bleep yourself, San Diego."

goBLEEPyour.wav

Ron: "Go bleep yourself, San Diego."
Stage Manager: "(shrieks)"

odinsraven.wav

Ron: "Oh, great Odin's raven!"

poopmouth.wav

Garth: "Ron, why did you say that? Why? Why, Ron, why? You're my hero, Ron."
Ron: "Garth, I--"
Garth: "You come out with stink like that. Poop! You poop mouth. Get all that poop out of your mouth."

reducedtorubble.wav

Ron: "I have nothing left, nothing! I've been reduced to rubble!"

saytheword.wav

Ron: "Dont you know, I would never say the word bleep . I would never bleep ing ever bleep ing say that! Ever!"

neversayBLEEP.wav

Ron: "Don't you know I would never say bleep ! bleep !"

catpoop.wav

Ron: "I will not eat cat poop!"

milkwasa.wav

Ron: "It's so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice."

fartnoises.wav

Ron: "Skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight. Af-- (rasberry) I make fart noises with my mouth. (rasberry) And I like to cut--"
Bartender (Danny Trejo): "Hey, nutjob, quit the singing! You're creeping out all the regulars."
Ron: "I'm expressing my inner anguish through the magesty of song!"

gotnoheart.wav

Bartender: "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Ron: "I've got no heart! Because a she-devel stole it. And you know what the worst part about it is? She's better than me! She's better than me."

dontspeak.wav

Bartender: "You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now. And you're gonna have to learn how to deal with that."
Ron: "What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish."

newsteamassemble.wav

Ron: "News team, assemble!"

inapickle.wav

Ron: "This is hard! I am in a pickle."

soundsharsh.wav

Brian: "Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live."

regretthis.wav

Ron: "I immediatly regret this decision."

aremassive.wav

Ron: "These bears are massive. They looked a lot smaller from up there."

wokethebears.wav

Veronica: "That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--"
Ron: "Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth. Oh, I should have known."
Veronica: "No, no. No, I did it."
Ron: "You bitch! "
Veronica: "Shh!"
Ron: "Oh, you woke the bears. Why did you do that?"

riBLEEPdamndiculous.wav

Frank Vitchard: "Come on! Oh, god, it's getting to be ri-bleep damn-diculous!"

wokeupthemama.wav

Ron: "Oh, no. We woke up the mama."

72percent.wav

Veronica: "Ron, there are literaly thousands of men that I should be with instead but I am 72% sure that I love you."

hammerofthor.wav

Ron: "Oh, by the hammer of Thor!"

 

bankloan.mp3 Ron: human torch was denied bank loan.

beardofzeus.mp3 Ron: By beard Zeus.

breathtaking.mp3 Ron: Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, I saw you from across party, and, uh, I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I mean, that thing is good. I want to be friends with it.

cannonball.mp3 Ron: Cannonball!

dontbelieveyou.mp3 Ron: How much time? 30? 30 seconds? Stage Hand: You are right now. Ron: I'm right now? I don't believe you.

hahahohaha.mp3 Ron: Ho-Ho. Ho-ha-ha-ho. Ho-ha-ho. (He starts screaming)

havingfun.mp3 Champ Kind (): I'm all about having fun. You know, get couple cocktails me, start fire someone's kitchen, maybe go to Sea World, take pants off.

howareyou.mp3 Ron: How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don't wear bra next time. No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don't know her name. What is it? Lanolin? La-lanolin, like-- like sheep's wool.

howgoodilook.mp3 Ron Burgundy (): Mm, I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone, come see how good I look!

hownowbrowncow.mp3 Ron: How now brown cow. How now brown cow. How now brown cow.