Dr. Odd

Wedding Crashers Sound

"...All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible" future.wav

"...I'm reading 'Don't kill myself' books..." dontkillmyself.wav

"...Believe it or not, he's getting married... Good, more for me and you" moreforus.wav

"...Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac" funerals.wav

"For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings..." hardtoregret.wav

"...I went with Chazz, who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius..." chazzinsanegenius.wav

toddthatsgood.wav

Secretary Cleary: "Perhaps, I should take it easier on him."
John: "Perhaps."
Todd Cleary (Keir O'Donnell): "Death, you are my bitch lover!"
Secretary Cleary: "Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!"

Jeremy: "Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?"
Gloria: "What?"
Jeremy: "That we're all one. That seperateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone-- with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from 'What's Happening,' the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote 'Catcher in the Rye,' Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Wierd Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one."

Bodily fluids
Chazz - Give me a hug
Chazz is not a kook!

theycalldating.wav

Janice: "I've got the perfect girl for you."
Jeremy: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough? Am I interested. I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested? But I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward, it's like 'Well, good night.' Do you do like that ass-out hug, where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip', just for a second, just to see how it feels. or, 'Ouch, ouch you're on my hair.'"
Janice: "Okay."

Jeremy does not like the idea of dating dating.wav

"We are going to have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that are so aroused by the thought of marriage..." throwinhibitions.wav

"What do you like better, Christmas or wedding season?..." xmasorwedding.wav

"We lost so many good men out there. Playing with the Yankees?..." yankees.wav

"...I think we only use ten percent of our hearts" 10percent.wav

"Would you say you're completely full of shit, or just fifty percent?..." 50percent.wav

"Chazz Reinhold is not a kook..." creinhold.wav

John: "You sandbagging son of a bitch!"

John: "You know how they say we only use ten percent of our brains?"
Wedding Guest (Melanie Anneke Conopask): "Mmm?"
John: "I think we only use ten percent of our hearts."

Don't ever leave me....

Have a band?

"I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you..." notperfect.wav

"...It's very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does not want to see you" dropit.wav

"...Don't take the wind out of my sails. I need you" negativity.wav

Jeremy admits to John that he loves Gloria lovegloria.wav

I almost numbchucked you
I hope you flip

Mr. Kroeger (Dwight Yoakam): "Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just kiss my left nut?"

A kid at the Cleary wedding really wants Jeremy to make him a balloon bicycle bicycle.wav

"...We were faithful for two of them [years out of thirty years of marriage]" 30years.wav

"...All I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick..." art.wav

John's definition of "true love" truelove.wav

"...They both like the color green..." green.wav

John wants to see the Clearys again, but Jeremy does not goorno.wav

"You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal, period..." noovertime.wav

A "lock it up" montage lockitup.wav

shutyourmouth.wav

Mrs. Kroeger (Rebecca De Mornay): "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"

"...What's wrong with you? No, what's wrong with you?..." whatswrong.wav

"You're banging the daughter and the grandma?..." jam.wav

"You're like that crazy guest who thinks he's part of the family already..." crazyguest.wav

Jeremy did not get a lot of sleep for one of three reasons littlesleep.wav

"A friend in need is a pest" pest.wav

"It wouldn't kill you to play some competitive sports once in a while, would it?..." loveme.wav

"Red moondog seven eleven..." redmoondog.wav

"...Nature always wins" nature.wav

"Love doesn't exist..." nolove.wav

"...Do you want to watch me with a girl?..." nextlevel.wav

haveaband.wav

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson): "Did you have a band?"
Mrs. Kroeger: "Yeah."
John: "Good or bad?"
Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn): "Who gives a bleep ? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby. It's good no matter what. There's music in the air!"

Jeremy: "It's a good time, do you know what I mean?"
John: "Yeah."
Jeremy: "Rubbing up against each other, just a couple of kids who like to bleep , trying to make it honest. I get it."

John: "Great. Great. Let's sign the paperwork and we are done."
Jeremy: "This is just semantics. If you guys want to throw a couple miles at us, we'll take a couple. The big thing is, is that we're all moving on."
Mr. Kroeger: "Could you two just not talk anymore?"

Jackass

Jeremy tried to seduce me

Let's go kill some birds

Let's have some meatloaf

Lock it up

Make me a bicycle!

"...Before you know it, you're living a life that you didn't set out to or that you intended to" downroad.wav

"...You don't sound very enthused. I am..." notveryenthused.wav

Jeremy: "Eroneous! Eroneous! Eroneous on both counts!"

Jeremy: "Fifth row back with the fancy hat. I like that."
John: "No, no, don't waste your time on girls with hats, they tend to be very proper."
Jeremy: "Yeah? The proper girl in the hat just eye-bleep ed the bleep out of me."

Jeremy: "Who else wants something?"
Bratty Kid (Dylan James Turner): "I want a bicycle."
Jeremy: "A bicycle? Well, a bicycle, that would take a lot of baloons and honestly Uncle Jeremy's a little tired right now so why don't we do something like, uh, let's say a giraffe?"
Bratty Kid: "I just want a bicycle!"
Jeremy: "Why-why are you yelling at me?"
Bratty Kid: "Whatever, make me a bicycle, clown!"

Treasury Secretary William Cleary (Christopher Walken): "What's he got te be so marose about?"
John: "Maybe he hasn't found something to believe in."
Secretary Cleary: "Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!"
John: "You know, some people call that art."
Secretary Cleary: "It's crap!"

John: "You better lock it up."
Jeremy: "You better lock it up."
John: "No, you lock it up."
Jeremy: "You lock it up."
John: "Lock it up."
Jeremy: "Lock it up!"

Jeremy: "She took me below decks for 45 minutes. I don't have any bodily fluids left in me."

Carson Elrod: "Yes! Crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"

Jeremy: "What happened, Toast?"
John: "I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a bleep in' racehorse."

John: "What is his deal?"

Gloria Cleary (Isla Fisher): "Don't ever leave me."
Jeremy: "Ever."
Gloria: "Good! 'Cause I'd find you. (laughs maniacaly)"

John: "After all, someone has to pay for the, uh, lap dances for the big guy here."
Jeremy: "Oh! He's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes."

Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour): "Just had my tits done. You like 'em?"
John: "Those seem like lovely tits."

Kathleen: "Call me kitty cat."

John: "Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters."
Jeremy: "Well, snap out of it! What, a hot, older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl."
John: "I wasn't crying like a little girl."
Jeremy: "Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems? Jackass!"

Jeremy: "What were they like, anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What you do with 'em? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? (makes motorboat sounds with his lips) You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you! Where is she? She still in the house?"
John: "What is wrong with you?"

John: "What is wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "What do you mean what's wrong with-- What's wrong with you?"
John: "No, what's wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting."
John: "Drop it."
Jeremy: "You drop it! You stop projecting on me. Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood?"
John: "Drop it!"
Jeremy: "Team player!"

Jeremy: "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, John. I'm fried."
John: "SOft mattress?"
Jeremy: "Yeah, that could've been it. It could have been the soft mattress. Or, it could've been the midnight rape... or the nude, gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep."
John: "Try one of these scones, you're gonna love 'em."
Jeremy: "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone."

Jeremy: "I don't give a baker's bleep !"

John: "Yeah, I'm used to sailing down under with the Kiwis, so everything is backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it."

Jeremy: "Mr. Environmental is also a-a hunter. It's kind of an interesting combination."
Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper): "I hunt quail, Jeremy! They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grub worm population. You got a bleep ing problem with that?!"
Jeremy: "Not nearly as much as I do with the, uh, attire that you have on, or just your general view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm pyched."

Sack: "Let's go kill some birds. I'm pyched."

Jeremy: "Have you even shot one of these things before?"
John: "The whole 17 years we've know each other, I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the bleep a quail is!"
Jeremy: "I feel totally rediculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me?"
John: "I know, it's like, why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk, or an eagle, something with some talons?"
Jeremy: "That'd be awesome. You mean, something like big game even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros."
John: "Rhino."
Jeremy: "Or a bleep ing human being? That'll get you jacked up."
John: "That's a little heavy."
Jeremy: "I mean like-- (He pushes John's gun barrel out of his face.) You're hinting a human being right now. The most dangerous game. Like a worth adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever--"
John: "Oh, not armed."
Jeremy: "A clever human being who knows the jungle, or the woods."
John: "Or like a bad guy."

Jeremy: "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!"

Jeremy: "She's fit for a staitjacket. This broad's bleep ed three ways towards the weekend. And you wanna know what? I dig it! It turns me on! Yeah, it turns me on! Because you wanna know what the kicker is, Father? Maybe I'm a little bleep ing crazy! That's right! Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts! Maybe there's something about me that I'm a little cukoo. I know it's a surprise. I know it's not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid. His name was Shilo. We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shilo'd always let me win!"

Jeremy: "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!"

Todd: "Jeremy tried to seduce me!"
John: "You did?"
Todd: "I want my painting back."
Jeremy: "The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."

Jeremy: "Now bunch those panties up into a little ball. Put that little ball right into your mouth. Oh, that's good."
John: "Hang up the phone."
Jeremy: "Okay, and I will definitely call you back later then."
John: "Come on, wrap it up."
Jeremy: "Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry."

Jeremy: "Gloria, I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. And, I-I think that I'm ready to take, um, this realtionship, our relationship to the next level. To what the next level of the-- of the-- of the relationship would be."
Gloria: "Jeremy!"
Jeremy: "Is that good?"
Gloria: "I am so ready to take it to the next level too. Do you want to watch me with a girl? What about those Brazilian twins we met at the ballgame?"
Jeremy: "I-I was-- I was-- I was thinking more along the lines of an-- of an-- of an engagement. But that sounds terrific. That sounds-- that sounds unbelievable. The Brazilian girls were very nice. They seemed like--"
Gloria: "Oh, Jeremy, I do!"

Chazz's Mom (Kathryn Joosten): "Chazz, there's someone here to see you! Pick up your bleep ing skateboard!"

Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell): "What the bleep do you want?"

Chazz: "What the bleep do you want?"
John: "I'm John Beckwith. I'm friends with Jeremy Grey."
Chazz: "bleep damnit, Why didn't you say so? Come here, brother! Give me a hug. Bring it in for the real thing."

Chazz: "bleep damn you. I almost numbchucked you, you don't even realize."

John: "Is this your place?"
Chazz: "No. No no no no no. No, I live with my Ma."
John: "Oh."
Chazz: "Yeah. You hungry? Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!"

John: "You know what? I will have some meatloaf. Let's have some meatloaf."
Chazz: "You want some?"
John: "Yes."
Chazz: "I knew you'd come-- Hey, Mom! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!"

Chazz: "We want it now! The meatloaf! What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there."

John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture-- I'm dead!' What a freak!"

John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite."
John: "Horny?"
Chazz: "Yeah, crazy horny."
John: "I just-- at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
John: "Huh?"
Chazz: "Look it up."

Chazz: "Ma, the meatloaf! bleep !"

Chazz: "Oh! Damn you, Roger! Damn it! Damn you!"

Jeremy: "Share that with the Dalai Lama, Jackass."

"I earned those [frequent flier] miles..." miles.wav

"...Shout now, jump up and shout now" shout.wav

"The real enemy here is the inseclusion of marriage..." marriage.wav

"I sleep over at John's house every year for his birthday..." creepy.wav


"...You want the noise brought on you, because here it comes..." noise.wav

"...Will you just go stand on the other side, please?" red7.wav

"Don't ever leave me..." findyou.wav

"You know, she's not just another notch in your belt..." belt.wav

"It's the state's only self-sustaining scallop farm..." sssf.wav

"...You can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination, right?" klingons.wav

"It's about investing in companies that are ethically and morally defensible..." ethicsmorals.wav

"I don't eat meat or fish. He's a homo" homo.wav

"I'll be in my room painting homo things" homo2.wav

readytogetdrunk.wav

John: "Shamun O'Toole."
Jeremy: "Bobby O'Shea."
John: "I'm ready to get drunk."

Jeremy: "Tatoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bull's-eye."

"With every death, there comes rebirth..." rebirth.wav

"...Call me kitty cat" kittycat.wav

"...You got a problem with that? Not nearly as much as I do with the, uh, attire that you have on..." problem.wav

"...Is that what you get paid to do? It's exactly what I get paid to do" watchingstories.wav

Might as well be a bullseye

Pick up your skateboard

Team player

Too traumatized for a scone

Were they real?

What is she doing?

Gloria had lied to Jeremy about her being a virgin wasntvirgin.wav

Zach reveals that John and Jeremy are wedding crashers yesorno.wav

"...We had to give her a sweet sixteen on her thirteenth birthday" sweet16on13.wav

feelsotiny.wav

Jeremy: "I feel so tiny in your arms."
Wedding Guest (???): "Really, how tall are you?"
Jeremy: "I'm 6'5", but I feel like I'm four feet."

Vivian: "Would you say you're completely full of bleep or just 50%?"
John: "I hope just 50, but who knows?"

Jeremy: "He gave us a legacy."
John: "You make it sound like a cult, okay? And from everything you've told me about Chazz, he sound's like a kook!"
Jeremy: "You bite your tongue. Chazz Reinhold is not a kook! He is a brave and a decent man. He is a pioneer!"
John: "He lived with his mother till he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!"
Jeremy: "Eroneous! Eroneous! Eroneous on both counts!"

Jeremy loves maple syrup maplesyrup.wav

"We've been to a million weddings, and guess what? We've rocked them all" rockedall.wav

"...We've become extremely spiritual ever since she passed" spiritual.wav

"...Rule number seventy-six: No excuses, pull in the champion" noexcuses.wav

"...My powers only apply to useless consumer products..." gift.wav

John comes up with a story of what happened to "Schlomo" (Jeremy) when a guest at the Cleary's wedding recognizes the two from a previous wedding scubaaccident.wav

"...Everyone wants to be a part of the miracle..." miracle.wav